She's not happy with me." I had to laugh at that. Those two shared everything, why not an illness too?"Where's Chrissy? I'm not used to seeing you on your own." Her question catching me off guard. Maybe she did think about me the way I had been thinking of her?"We're taking a break." I replied, "It hasn't been working for some time now. We've decided to date other people for awhile and see how it goes." Not filling in that it was Chrissy's decision.She apologized for bringing it up and I laughed it off. Cat tried to get me to join the others but I declined. I could see she was confused by my actions, trying to decide why I was sitting there with her. I almost told her the truth about Chrissy and me, but pride made me keep my mouth shut.As the fire burned we talked quietly, Cat told me about Penn State and the incredible graphic arts program. I told her about UCLA and the prospect of Stanford Law School. Sitting side by side as the others got drunk and acted like fools. Evidently, the. I felt refreshed. More than that, I felt fresh. I felt new. I bit mylower lip and made a funny face and kind of liked what I was seeing.Not in a conceited way. I was more cute than pretty as far as I wasconcerned and nothing all that special. I liked me as a whole. Lifewas a complete pain in the ass, but I had a fleeting moment of self-satisfaction and I was glad to be a girl, and glad to be Amy Komori. Itdidn't last but for a second, then I thought about Martin and hismissing father and how his mom was probably still selling the debris ofthe life he'd been forced to abandon.Well, at least I've made a new one, I thought. Patrick, Gina, Dallasand Heidi appeared in my brain and there was this new Big Wrong. Theymushed together like different colored Play-Doh, a big ball I'd made, itleft me feeling kind of nervous about even leaving my room. So much forfeeling good about myself and my special new life, I thought. The ugly,lumpy colors and complications! Why was it so.
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